50 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Ouran
by mysteriously.mesmerized
Summary: The 50 things that I am NOT allowed to do at Ouran! CRACK-ness! XD Number 17: I will not attempt to go on FanFiction net during hosting hours ever again.
1. Chapter 1

**It's AnuneFan412 who made me want to write a ****story about 50 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do...argh. XD**

**50 Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Ouran!**

.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.  
**Number 1:**  
.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.

**I will not flirt with a piano in front of Tamaki**

* * *

It was a peaceful day at Ouran. Well...maybe not _that _peaceful... 

"..." Haruhi twitched. "Uhhh...Hikaru? Kaoru?"

"Yeah?" Hikaru and Kaoru chorused, turning their heads to look at Haruhi.

"What are you two doing?"

"Isn't that obvious?" Hikaru asked.

"Yeah, it's really obvious." Kaoru added.

"...but the problem is I _don't_ know what you're doing." Haruhi said.

"We told you that it's obvious!" Hikaru said.

"Yeah, very very obvious." Kaoru added.

"...but I told you that it's not obvious to me." Haruhi tried again.

"But it's still very obvious!" Hikaru said.

"Yeah, exactly!" Kaoru added.

"...but it is NOT obvious to me! So just explain it to me!" Haruhi said, exasperated.

"But it's VERY obvious!" Hikaru said again.

"Yeah! EXTREMELY obvious!" Kaoru added again.

"But it's NOT obvious!" Haruhi argued.

"Okay, FINE!" Hikaru and Kaoru turned back to whatever they are doing.

"Hey, baby, wanna drink?" Hikaru asked...the..._thing _in front of them.

"Let's paint the town red tonight." Kaoru chimed in.

"HOW DARE YOU FLIRT WITH MY AWESOME, PRECIOUS, LOVELY, AMAZING, WONDERFUL, SUPER GREAT, THE BESTEST OF THE BESTEST BEST...piano...?!?!" Tamaki roared.

"Oh my god, my Lord is angry!" Hikaru and Kaoru faked a terrified look.

"You cannot, would not, and will not FLIRT WITH MY PIANO!!!" Tamaki shrieked.

"And why can't we?" Hikaru and Kaoru asked.

"Yeah...it's not your piano anyways, it's the piano in the music room, senpai." Haruhi added.

"Oh!" Tamaki looked flabbergasted. "Even my precious daughter has turned against me!" and he cowered in a dark corner.

"Who the hell is your daughter..." Haruhi muttered.

"We're just trying to see if we can flirt with a piano." Hikaru and Kaoru said together, just because they could.

"YOU WILL _NOT _FLIRT WITH MY PIANO!" Tamaki screeched.

"So why can't we?" Hikaru and Kaoru said together again, just because they COULD!

"Because it's MY piano!"

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is!"

"No it isn't."

"Yes, IT IS!!"

"Not."

"IS!"

"Not."

"IS!"

"Not!"

IS!!"

"Okay, just cut it out!" Haruhi stepped between them.

"Tell them not to flirt with daddy's piano!" Tamaki ordered.

Haruhi glared. "You're not my dad..."

"Oh! My daughter really has turned against me!" Tamaki cowered in a dark corner...again.

"I'm NOT your daughter!"

Hikaru and Kaoru just stared at each other and shrugged. Then they turned back to the piano.

"Hey baby, you look pretty cute."

"Yeah, wanna hit the movies or something?"

"DO NOT FLIRT WITH MY PIANO!!!" Tamaki screamed.

"It's NOT your piano!" Hikaru and Kaoru said.

"Oh yes, it is! So don't flirt with it!" Tamaki insisted.

"So WHY couldn't we?" Hikaru and Kaoru asked together...for the _umpteenth _time.

"Because my piano does NOT appreciate being flirted with!" Tamaki replied.

"It's just a piano, you know," Hikaru said.

"How do YOU know if it doesn't appreciate being flirted with?" Kaoru asked.

"Because it's MY piano!"

"It's NOT your piano!"

"Yes it is! And I can prove it!" Tamaki said.

"Oh yeah?" Hikaru and Kaoru both raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah! Just watch!" Tamaki turned to _his _piano. "Hey baby, let's show those devilish twins that you're MY piano!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"That's called FLIRTING, Tamaki-senpai." Haruhi said.

"Oh!" Tamaki cowered in a corner again. "I just knew it! I knew it! My daughter HAS turned against me!"

"I told you that I am NOT your daughter...!"

"..."

"..."


	2. Chapter 2

**Feh...just bored...XDD**

**50 Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Ouran!**

.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.  
**Number 2:**  
.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.

**I will not insult the language of French**

* * *

"Would you please cut it out, Tamaki-senpai?" Haruhi asked irritably. 

"No! I'm not finished yet!" Tamaki protested.

"Come on..." Hikaru said with a yawn, "It's okay, you can just cut it out."

"Yeah...we're all getting bored over here, you know." Kaoru added.

"Yeah! I want to eat cake now!" Hunny said.

Tamaki quickly handed him a plate of chocolate cake, which Hunny started to eat without protest, and thus, not interrupting Tamaki's speech.

"Ahem, now I'll continue!" Tamaki annouced.

"Stop it, seriously, Tamaki-senpai." Haruhi said. "We don't want to know the amazingly-awesomeness-or-whatever-you-call-it of French."

"How could you?!" Tamaki looked offended. "It's now up to us to bring the awesome language of French into the world of Japan!"

"Other people might not think that way." Haruhi pointed out.

"Of course they would!" Tamaki declared. "Everyone loves the amazingly-awesomeness-language-of-français!"

"No, they dont." Hikaru said.

"Yeah, and we can prove it." Kaoru chimed in.

"How?"

"The authoress, for instance, hates her French classes." Hikaru and Kaoru said in perfect sync.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...the authoress is stupid." Tamaki said.

"She'll kill you, you know." Haruhi warned.

"No, she won't." Tamaki said confidently.

"Oh yeah?" Hikaru raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't be too sure, because I see that she's glaring daggers into the computer right now."

"Well...well...well..." Tamaki glanced around nervously. "Well...umm...uhh...poor computer?"

"You'll be dead meat once this chapter is finished, Tamaki-senpai." Haruhi sighed.

"Hey, you know," Kyouya suddenly spoke up. "The authoress is currently getting really irritated because this conversation is getting nowhere. So, she would like to get to the point, right NOW."

"Ahem." Tamaki stood up staighter. "We have to make the language of French an everyday language spoken in Japan! Everyone will love it!"

"Nobody here wants to learn French!" Kaoru rolled his eyes.

"French is bo-riiiinng!" Hikaru sang.

"Tu es un as! **(1)**" Tamaki poited at Hikaru randomly.

"Hey! Don't insult me just because you know French and I don't!" Hikaru yelled. "How dare you called me an ass!"

"I did NOT call you an ass!" Tamaki protested.

"Oh yeah, that's SO true!" Hikaru muttered.

"Yeah, that IS true!"

"Oh, right."

"Tu ne comprends pas! **(2)**" Tamaki cried, waving his hands.

"I do not want to do comprehension right now!" Hikaru yelled.

"Uhh...I don't think that's what he meant..." Haruhi cut in.

"Whatever!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...French is stupid." Hikaru muttered.

"Oh! How DARE you insult the language of French?!" Tamaki screamed.

"Oh, I just DARE!" Hikaru shot back.

"C'est quoi ça!?! **(3)**" Tamaki yelled.

"Yeah, exactly what you said!" Hikaru yelled back.

"Ohh...!" Tamaki cowered in a corner. "I'm miserable!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"This is hopeless." Kaoru rolled his eyes.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...bonjour... **(4)**" Haruhi said randomly.

"OH!" Tamaki shot up. " My precious daughter! Now you finally understand ton père! **(5)**"

"...uh...no, Tamaki-senpai, I do not understand a pear." Haruhi said confusedly.

"Ohh...!!" Tamaki went to his oh-so-famous-darest-cowering-corner.

"Man...this is getting nowhere..." Kaoru shook his head.

"Well, like I care?" Hikaru shrugged.

"I think I said something that I shouldn't have said..." Haruhi muttered.

* * *

**French meanings:**

**(1) -- **Well, it means something like "you are a champion", sorry, my French isn't really very good. XD

**(2) -- **"You don't understand!"

**(3) -- **"What is this?!"

**(4) -- **It means "hello" or "good morning", you know when you greet someone.

**(5) -- **"Your father."

**Sorry, I'm just in total mood for French today, dunno why...one of my weird days...XDD**


	3. Chapter 3

**...do I need to say anything? XDD**

**50 Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Ouran!**

.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.  
**Number 3:**  
.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.

**I will not say that Haruhi is kidnapped by Kyouya ever again.**

* * *

Ahh... a wonderful and peaceful day at Ouran... and guess what? Kyouya wasn't at school today. Very weird. Weird, but good. That can only mean one thing: Kyouya not at school means...

"FREEDOM!!" Hikaru and Kaoru yelled.

"Kyouya will get very angry if he doesn't get normal profits today." Tamaki said sternly.

"Like we care," Hikaru and Kaoru chorused.

"Ehh...? But Haru-chan's not at school today either..." Hunny said absent-mindedly, chewing on his chocolate cake.

The atmosphere instantly freezes.

"OHHH!! MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER! WHAT ON EARTH HAS HAPPENED TO YOU??" Tamaki shrieked.

"Argh, tone it down..." Hikaru muttered, followed by nods from Kaoru.

"Haruhi... Haruhi... ohh... my precious daughter..." Tamaki continued to ramble on, ignoring everyone around him.

"I don't want to participate in the host club today..." Kaoru yawned.

"Me neither." Hikaru agreed.

The devilish twins glanced at each other and grinned. "Let's skip it!"

"NO!" Tamaki suddenly roared. "Kyouya will not tolerate this!"

"But, it's a pity, since Kyouya-senpai is absent today, my Lord..." Hikaru and Kaoru whined.

"I wonder if Haru-chan and Kyouya are both absent today because they had plans..." Hunny mumbled out of the blue, through a mouthful of chocolate cake.

The atmosphere tensed up.

"AHHH!! KYOUYA, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?? SHE'S MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER... although you're her mother... BUT I'M HER FATHER!!" Tamaki cried. "SHE'LL FEEL LONELY WITHOUT ME!!"

"She never did."

A glare is thrown at Hikaru.

"She probably never will."

A glare is thrown at Kaoru.

"I wonder what really happened to Haru-chan..."

An alarmed look is thrown at Hunny.

Hunny was unaware of his surroundings, and continued to ponder, half to himself. "Ehhh... she's probably kidnapped, or on a date with Kyouya..." Hunny's eyes lit up. "Oh, I know! She's kidnapped by Kyouya!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...did I say something that I shouldn't have...?" Hunny put on an innocent look.

"KYOUYA!! I SHALL KILL YOU!! I SHALL MURDER YOU!! AND STRANGLE YOU, AND SUFFOCATE YOU, AND EXECUTE YOU, AND..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...I think I did.." Hunny said.

"...AND ASSASSINATE YOU, AND HANG YOU, AND CHOKE YOU, AND SHOOT YOU, AND..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Erm..." Hunny glanced around him nervously.

"...AND STAB YOU, AND SLAUGHTER YOU, AND SLAY YOU, AND DROWN YOU, AND..."

By now, everyone in the room, except Tamaki, was giving Hunny a look that was totally like: 'Now look at him, he's going all hysterical about nothing and it's all your fault.'

Hunny cowered, tears were shimmering in his eyes. "I didn't do anything wrong!" he turned his puppy eyes to Mori. "Takashi, tell them! I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Mitsukuni," Mori looked at Hunny. "It's your fault."

"Waahhh!!" Hunny burst into tears.

Hikaru and Kaoru exchanged a glance that was like: 'Uh-oh... there he goes again...' "Hunny-senpai..."

"Waahh..." Hunny sniffed. Mori tried to wipe his tears away.

"Hunny-senpai, it's okay, it's not your fault..." Hikaru said.

"Yeah, stop crying now..." Kaoru added.

Hunny's sobbing ceased immediately. "Really? Cool! Yay!" he skipped happily to his unfinished chocolate cake.

"Oh no... now what do we do?" Kaoru muttered.

Hikaru sighed. "What else? Wait until he runs out of breath..."

"...AND YOU SHALL DIE!! MWAHAHAHA!" Tamaki yelled.

"Frogs." Hikaru said.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Frogs are stupid and disgusting and useless and slimy and..." Tamaki rambled on...

"What was that for?" Kaoru demanded.

Hikaru shrugged. "It seemed that he was done cursing Kyouya-senpai, so I just gave him a new thing to curse at."

"..."

"..."

"If he's done cursing at frogs, let's try cushions next."

"Good idea!"

"..."

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

**Yeah... pointless... XD Please review.**

**Thanks!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Uhh... hope you'll enjoy this chappie! XDD**

**50 Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Ouran!**

.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.  
**Number 4:**  
.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.

**I will not feed Hikaru too much sugar ever again.**

* * *

Ohh... what another lovely day... no, 'lovely' wouldn't be appropriate. It was rather an amazingly-wonderful-spectacularly-splendidly-terrific-awesome day of... well? What else? Simply, chaos. At Ouran. In the famous Host Club. Do I need to say more?

As usual, Tamaki was having some random expensive and exclusive tea with a few fine young ladies. But as we all may know, peace won't last for long. Because, Haruhi butted right into the conversation. No, she wasn't being rude, jumping into the conversation like that or anything, she wasn't even willing to... but it really seemed like an emergency... or rather...

"Tamaki-senpai?" Haruhi tapped Tamaki lightly on his shoulder.

Tamaki looked up from where he was sitting on the couch. "Yes?" he took a sip of his tea.

"You've got to come," Haruhi said in a low voice. "There is, um, well... a bit of... _trouble_."

Tamaki set the tea cup down and got up. "Trouble?"

Haruhi nodded and began to walk away, motioning for Tamaki to follow. Tamaki excused himself from the fine young ladies, who were not fine at all, not the very least. But they _are _quite young... they're still in high school, after all, but let's not get to that. Ahh... youth... what a glorious thing... but let's forget about that for now.

Tamaki followed Haruhi into a room separated from their guests, where all the other members of the Host Club were present. Everything looked pretty normal to Tamaki. Or... a bit _too_ normal...

Kyouya set his pen down on the file he was writing and rubbed his temples. "The Host Club is closed for today." he declared.

"What?!" Tamaki's jaw dropped.

"Yes, you heard me right. The Host Club is over for today." Kyouya stated simply and walked out to make the annoucement to their guests.

"What is this about?" Tamaki demanded, facing the rest of the Host Club members.

"Um, well, you see..." Hunny began, but was cut off by Hikaru.

"I shall take over the world."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Kao-chan says that he's gone..." Hunny tried to continue, but was interrupted by Hikaru again.

"FEAR ME! I SHALL RULE THE WORLD WITH MY EVIL CHOCOLATE LASER GUN NUMBER 009 OF DOOOOOOM!!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...insane?" Tamaki guessed.

"No," Hunny corrected. "He's gone high on sugar."

Tamaki stood speechless.

"And that _someone_," Hunny continued, but everyone looked at Haruhi. "Fed him too much sugar."

"Huh?" Haruhi's expression was blank, as if they never had a conversation.

"You!" Hikaru points at Tamaki. "YOU SHALL BE EATEN BY MY EVIL SNAPPING PILLOW WITH SNAPPING JAWS THAT WILL BE SNAPPING YOU UP WITH SNAPPING TEETH AND YOU WILL NEVER BE SNAPPING AT ME!!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I do not appreciate being considered that way." Tamaki twitched.

"...what does snapping mean anyway?" Haruhi asked.

"..."

"..."

"..."

Hunny looked at Kaoru. "Does Hika-chan like pillows?"

Kaoru twitched. "Not really..."

"No," Hikaru suddenly cut into the conversation. "I like flying flamingoes."

"..."

"..."

"Flamingoes can fly anyway." Tamaki said matter-of-factly.

"No way, their wings are too small!" Hikaru protested.

"They do fly! Only the what-ever-you-call-it doesn't fly!"

"What-ever-you-call-it? Wassat??"

"I don't know! If I knew, I would have told you! I think it's called a ostrich or something!"

"It's _an _ostrich, not _a_ ostrich. Watch out for your grammar, dude."

"Looks like Hika-chan still has some sense afterall." Hunny commented.

"Don't not call Ore-sama a DUDE!!" Tamaki shrieked.

Hikaru raised his eyebrows. "Ore-sama? Since when do you call yourself 'Ore-sama'? I thought only that random super rich guy in an anime called Tennis Prince or something calls himself 'Ore-sama'."

"The anime is called Prince of Tennis and that guy is called Atobe Keigo and he's not super rich because we are richer!!" Tamaki said it all in one breath.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Right..." Hikaru rolled his eyes. "And... do I care?"

"YES YOU DO!! YOU SHOULD CARE AND YOU MUST CARE AND YOU SHALL CARE AND YOU WILL CARE!!" Tamaki yelled.

"Do NOT yell at me because I shall take over the world and then I shall turn you into a frog to feed toads and then thou shalt die!!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Thou shalt die?" Tamaki tipped his head.

"That means, like, 'you shall die'." Hunny explained.

"That's... weird..." Tamaki muttered.

"...I think the 'frog to feed toads' part was weirder." Kaoru said.

"...you know something?" Hunny asked.

"What?"

"Me too."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"BEWARE!! THE WORLD SHALL BE RULED BY MY EVIL CHOCOLATE LASER GUN NUMBER 007 OF DOOOOOOOOOOM!!"

"Hikaru," Kaoru tapped his twin's shoulder.

Hikaru turned around. "What?"

"It was your evil chocolate laser gun number 009 of DOOOOOOM, not number 007 of DOOOOOOOOOOM."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Same thing!" Hikaru said.

"No, not the same thing!" Kaoru protested.

"It is the same thing!"

"Not!"

"IS!"

"NOT!"

"IS!!"

"NOT!!"

"You know what? Let's just rule the world together with our evil nutcrackers of DOOM!"

"Good idea!"

"BWAHAHAHAHA!!" Hikaru and Kaoru laughed evilly.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Nutcrackers?" Hunny asked "Wassat?"

"Dunno." Tamaki shrugged. "Maybe a nut that explodes."

Hunny nodded. "Oh yeah, you're right! If they set off an explosion, they can take over the world!"

"Exactly!" Tamaki agreed. "We are so smart!"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!" ...and the evil laugh continues...

"..."

"..."

"..."

Haruhi sighed. "I wonder if I will be able to catch up with the sale on salmons in the grocery?"

Poor Kyouya, when he returns, we might never know what mess he may get himself into... let's just wish him luck. But one thing is for sure, Mori certainly cannot stay sane for too long in an environment like that. I really look foward to the day he is driven crazy, too. I am evil. And I know that many of my dear readers are, too!

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

**I'm... bored, basically.**

**Please leave a review or comment! ...Actually, they are both the same, so who cares. XDD**


	5. Chapter 5

**45 more chapters to go...**

**Chapter title given by SoundzofSilence. Thank you.**

**50 Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Ouran!**

.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.  
**Number 5:**  
.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.

**I will not tempt the wrath of the Shadow King.**

* * *

When Kyouya woke up this morning, he did not sense anything good this very day. First, when he was washing his face in the bathroom, the mirror cracked. Just a tiny edge of it, however, since the mirror was highly expensive and exclusive, it is not likely to crack that easily. So, Kyouya interpreted it as a bad omen. No, he usually wasn't superstitious, but this day something told him to be all alert. He was Ootori Kyouya, afterall, and he wasn't going to ignore this tingling feeling that easily. Oh no, not at all, thank you very much.

Secondly, as he was walking through the gates of the Ootori residence, a black cat darted past in front of him before he got into his limo. Bad omen. Again. Thirdly, the driver drove him to school like always, but unfortunately, there was heavy traffic that morning and Ootori Kyouya NEVER gets late. NEVER. So, the driver would have to take another route, where traffic was more loose. But what happened to happen was, the limo drove under a tilted ladder. Bad omen. Yet again.

See? Even the most unsuperstitious (yes, that's not a word) person would have somewhat been alerted. And Ootori Kyouya was smart enough to do that.

During the host club hours...

Haruhi gasped.

Why did she gasp? Because she felt like it.

No, of course not.

The real reason was:

Haruhi gasped when she heard what the devilish twins were planning.

"Are you both crazy?!" she demanded. "He'll have your heads!!"

And was just happened to happen was, Hikaru and Kaoru didn't hear her. So, the twins put their plan into action.

"Ahh..." Hikaru flopped down on an empty couch. "This is so boring! I wanna go home and read my manga stack!"

"Yeah," Kaoru sat down beside Hikaru. "Whoever managing this host club is so stupid."

That earned a twitch from Kyouya. But he continued scribbling in his file nevertheless.

Tamaki hid behind Haruhi, trembling.

"He must be an idiot! Thinking up the lame themes..."

"...and all those dumb festivities and timings..."

Twitch. Scribble.

"What? He even made us where all those stupid costumes!"

"How lame and uncreative."

Twitch. Twitch.

"Even a thousand-year-old-frog-without-a-brain-and-wearing-an-old-shabby-rabbit-costume-with-cat-ears-and-a-zebra-tail-with-eagle's-claws-and-robin's-wings can be more creative than him!!"

"Radical."

Twitch. Twitch. Twitch.

"Yeah, totally."

"He must be the most idiotic person ever born!"

Kyouya cleared his throat. "Hikaru, Kaoru, one minute please?"

Hikaru and Kaoru exchanged a bored glance and shrugged. They got up and marched up to Kyouya. Tamaki went pale and cowered under a sofa, still trembling. Haruhi and Hunny sweatdropped, Mori remained expressionless. Oh, good. He hasn't gone insane yet. The keyword here being YET.

Kyouya led Hikaru and Kaoru into a separate soundproof room and closed the door. Notice: it is a _soundproof_ room. Tamaki let out a terrified "NO!" And covered his ears with his trembling hands. Haruhi and Hunny sweatdropped more.

Soon, all the people outside the soundproof room heard...

"THREE MONTHS WITHOUT MANGA, ONE MONTH WITHOUT TV, TWO WEEKS WITHOUT MP4, TWO MONTHS WITHOUT COMPUTERS, THREE WEEKS WITHOUT MOBILES AND HALF A YEAR WITHOUT SWEETS, _IS! THAT! CLEAR?!_"

Bang!

Thud!

Crash!

Quack! (for some reason a duck was there. For more information, please contact Ootori Kyouya, thank you.)

"..."

"..."

"..."

"It's a disaster!!" Tamaki moaned from under the sofa.

Haruhi, Hunny _and_ Mori's faces went green. And everyone retreated to the side of the room opposite the door which opened and Kyouya stepped out with a pleasant smile on his face. Everyone went pale as Kyouya closed the door behind him, seeing no traces of Hikaru nor Kaoru. Bad omen, yet again. But for everyone _except_ Kyouya.

Kyouya looked up to see all the terrified faces. "What are you all doing here? Let's resume what we were all doing, shall we?" Kyouya smiled, _pleasantly._

No one dared to protest. Well, almost no one...

"Kyouya-senpai," Haruhi tapped Kyouya's arm.

"Hn?" Kyouya was still scribbling in his file.

"Where is Hikaru and Kaoru?"

Everyone froze.

"..."

"..."

"..."

Haruhi blinked blankly.

Kyouya adjusted his glasses. "I called their driver and he sent them home. Why?"

"Oh," Haruhi nodded. "I see. I just wanted to know."

Everyone heaved a sigh of relief.

And now, things are back to normal again... or will be... in a few weeks or so...

* * *

The news reporter blinked in disbelief, but cleared her throat. "Today, we discovered two cases of modern illness, it seems to have been caused by lack of access to modern technologies such as MP4, computers, televisions, mobiles and so on. But it seems that they are the two sons of the Hitachiin family and they have plenty of modern supplies; however the two boys refuse to use them whatsoever. What is the reason, we are still finding out..."

* * *

**Pointless like always. XD My mind is full of the titles for the next chapters, so no need fo****r suggestions, however, I might need them in the future... I will ask for suggestion when I need them! XD Please review, thanks.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I... uhh... don't have anything to say? XD**

**50 Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Ouran!**

.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.  
**Number 6:**  
.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.

**I will not ask Mori if he wants to eat honey.**

* * *

Don't ask. If I said that today, it was a peaceful day at Ouran, then I'd be lying. And no, I shall not lie to my dear readers. So I shall NOT say that it was a peaceful day at Ouran. Then... what shall I say? It was a... uhh... unpeaceful (yes, that's not a word) day at Ouran? No... I think I'm addicted to inventing new words... but that's not the point. Maybe you can just read this chapter and find out how, uhh, PEACEFUL today is. Yeah... see? Now you know why I told you not to ask?

"NO! YOU SO TOTALLY WILL NOT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN AND YOU SO TOTALLY CANNOT TELL ME CALM DOWN AND YOU SO TOTALLY MUSTNOT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!!"

...that was from Tamaki, just incase you were wondering...

"WHAT THE HECK?! ALL I TOLD YOU WAS THAT I WILL KIDNAP HARUHI WITH A SPOON AND ANY _SANE_ PERSON WILL SO TOTALLY KNOW THAT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!"

...now that was from Hikaru, incase you were wondering too... (Cool! That rhymes!)

"BUT YOU SO TOTALLY SAID THAT YOU WILL KIDNAP HARUHI AND ANY _SANE_ PERSON WILL SO TOTALLY KNOW THAT'S SO TOTALLY POSSIBLE!!"

...and that was from Tamaki again... so the cycle continues... the next shall be from Hikaru and so on...

"Dude... would you two just stop with the 'so totally' thing?"

...okay, I was wrong. This was from Kaoru. But heck, they are twins, so who cares.

"WELL I JUST SO TOTALLY COULDN'T STOP SO THAT'S SO TOTALLY THAT AND WHO SO TOTALLY CARES!!" This was from Tamaki.

"...dude, this is like, getting so totally boring." It was Hikaru.

"Yeah... let's play a game or something." Kaoru said.

"Like, what?" Tamaki asked.

"Like, I dunno." Kaoru shrugged. "Truth or Dare or something like that."

"Oh oh oh!" Hani squealed. "I like that!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...so... yeah... are we gonna start any time soon?"

"..."

"..."

"Who's got a bottle?"

"Why the heck do we need a bottle?" Tamaki asked.

Hikaru rolled his eyes. "Well, we're playing truth or dare so like DUHH we need a bottle!"

Tamaki rolled HIS eyes. "Well, DUHH I know we need a bottle but I'm asking WHY we need it!"

"Because DUHH we're playing truth or dare!"

"Yeah but DUHH I don't see what that has to do with needing a bottle!"

"Well, DUHH-"

"Stop!" Kaoru put a hand between them. "Let me explain!"

"Well, DUHH you should have explained sooner!"

"Just... stop with the 'DUHH', Tama-chan..." Hani hugged his... uhh... bunny plushie or whatever.

"It's like this," Kaoru explained. "We sit in a circle and we put a bottle in the middle and someone spins it. When the bottle stops, the person with the bottom of the bottle pointed at him is the person to ask and the person with the top of the bottle pointed at him has to answer."

"I get it." Haruhi said.

"Okay, so who spins?"

"I will!" Tamaki volunteered.

And so the bottle was spinned... when it stopped, the bottom ended up pointing at Hikaru and the top pointing at... Mori.

"Alright, truth or dare?" Hikaru asked.

"...truth." Mori answered expressionlessly.

"Truth... hmm..." Hikaru thought for a moment. "Do you want to eat honey?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

Silence.

"..."

"...did I ask something bad?" Hikaru glanced around him.

"...you... just asked him if he wants to eat Hani-senpai..." Haruhi commented.

"I said HONEY not HANI!"

"Well, yeah, you said HANI!" Tamaki pointed out.

"It's like HONEY, okay?" Hikaru rolled his eyes.

"But it's like, Hani-senpai!" Tamaki said.

"It's HONEY, sheesh!" Hikaru waved his arms frantically in the air. "Don't you guys know how to speak english?!"

"Uhh... dude, we're like, supposed to speak japanese." This was from Kaoru.

"Well, BIG difference!" Hikaru almost shouted. "English, japanese, same thing!"

"...uhh..." Haruhi spoke up. "As far as I know, english and japanese are like totally two different things."

"Well, no, 'cause japanese has this katakana thingy that's like, so english-ish." Hikaru reasoned.

"..."

"..."

"...english-ish...?"

"...no comment on that..."

"Anyway," Hikaru turned to Mori. "Do you want to eat honey?"

Mori actually TWITCHED. OMFG! He TWITCHED!! WORLD RECORD!!

Hani sort of fell asleep so he didn't hear anything... yeah...

"Argh... I guess that means Mori-senpai likes to eat honey." Hikaru concluded.

"I SO TOTALLY DO NOT WANT TO EAT HONEY AND I WOULD NOT EAT HONEY AND I WILL NOT EAT HONEY, LIKE DUHH, GET IT, DUDE?!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...I think Mori-senpai's finally lost it..."

"..."

"..."

"Quack!"

"..."

"..."

For some unknown reason, a duck was hiding somewhere in the Host Club...

* * *

**Mori has finally gone insane. XDD So... yeah... XD**


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm currently trying to update as fast as I can for you all. :D**

**50 Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Ouran!**

.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.  
**Number 7:**  
.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.

**I will not say that saying an extra word is wasting time.**

* * *

"Hey... my Lord..." Hikaru tapped Tamaki's shoulder.

"Yes?" Tamaki answered with a BIG smile on his face. And I mean a BIG smile. Get it? A BIG smile.

"Don't mind me, but all this hosting thingy is getting boring," Hikaru commented.

"And lame." Kaoru added, popping up beside his brother.

Tamaki's BIG smile disappeared, replaced by a BIG frown and a BIG twitch. OMG!! How the hell did he do that? Is he a ninja?! ZOMGOMGOMGOMG!!111oneoneoneoneone!! That's like, so frickingly awesome!!

"This kind of comment is not tolerable!" Tamaki roared! RAWR!! ...maybe he's a lion or something...

"Face the truth, my Lord..." Hikaru patted Tamaki's shoulder.

"You cannot not escape the reality..." Kaoru sighed, shaking his head.

"...will you two stop talking like philosophers or something...?" Haruhi sweatdropped.

"How is my Host Club boring?!" Tamaki demanded.

"For example..." Hikaru thought for a moment. "When you said, 'This kind of comment is not tolerable', you could have just said, 'This kind of comment is intolerable'."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...same thing..." This was from Tamaki.

"No, not same thing!" Hikaru argued.

"Yes, same thing!" Tamaki argued back.

"Well, if you said 'intolerable', you could have saved the trouble of saying an extra word."

"..."

"..."

"Dude... it's just like, one word. Which so totally takes only one second to say or something." This was from Kaoru.

"Exactly." Tamaki chimed in.

"Well, it will so totally save like, one second of your precious life!" Hikaru rolled his eyes.

"One second is like, nothing of my life," Tamaki said.

"Yeah, but if you save one second every time you say one word instead of two, you will so totally like, save an hour of your life or something."

"But one hour is like, three thousand six hundred seconds." Haruhi said.

"..."

"..."

"...what?" Haruhi asked, puzzled, as six heads were all turned towards her.

"...awesome maths." Kaoru commented.

"Thanks."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Anyway," Hikaru spoke. "Where were we?"

"I need to like, save three thousand six hundred extra words to save one hour of my life," Tamaki rolled his eyes. "That'll take, ten years or something."

"Well, you can't expect things to be perfect." Hikaru shrugged.

"..."

"..."

"...uhh... did that comment have anything to do with saving extra words?" This was from Tamaki.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..." This was from Mori, but since he wasn't saying anything, I bet that this sentence is totally unnecessary. But whatever.

"May I give a suggestion?" Kyouya raised his hand lightly.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...nobody is saying anything..." Haruhi commented.

"..."

"I'll take that as a yes." Kyouya adjusted his glasses. "I think this debate of saying an extra word is totally unnecessary since you people just wasted five minutes of your precious lives over just wasting one second."

...aaaannnnnnnnnnnddd... our dear Kyouya went back to writing whatever he is writing in the file of his. Yeah, and nobody really cares... well, some people might care, but yeah, we never know...

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Hey," Hikaru spoke up. "He's right."

"NOW you notice that?" This was from Kaoru.

"Well, at least my Lord could have just said 'intolerable' and save five minutes and one second of our lives!" Hikaru waved his hands around.

"STOP." Hani popped up and made a 'stop' sign. "PAUSE. HALT. WAIT. HOLD IT."

"Just get to the point already!" Tamaki said.

"How did this quarrel about wasting-time-saying-one-word-thing start?"

"Uhh... well... those two," Tamaki pointed an accusing finger at the twins. "Said that my Host Club is boring."

"And then he asked for a reason, and I gave an example..." Hikaru rolled his eyes.

"And then he gave me an example about how I wasted one second of my life saying 'not tolerable' instead of 'intolerable'..." Tamaki continued.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"OH OH OH!!" Kaoru suddenly squealed.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Well... since no one answered, Kaoru just decided to continue saying whatever he wanted to say and which we will now know...

"I discovered that potatoes are edible!! ZOMG!!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Dude... that discovery was made like, millions of years ago." This was from Tamaki.

"Oh, is that right?" Kaoru scratched his head.

"Dude... your IQ has gone down to a negative hundred." Tamaki sighed.

"That's so not true!" Kaoru protested.

**NOTICE: DUE TO CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES, A DIALOG IS GOING TO BE INSERTED IN THIS CHAPTER.**

"I don't get why the authoress is always typing 'hundred' instead of '100', that'll be like, so much easier." Hikaru commented.

"Who knows, she's just stupid, I bet her IQ is a negative two hundred." Kaoru said.

"Wait, if her IQ is a negative two hundred, then she won't be able to type this story then."

"OMG!! You said 'two hundred' instead of '200'!!" Kaoru pointed an accusing finger at his twin.

"Dude, even you said 'two hundred' instead of '200'." Hikaru pointed out.

"Who the frick cares, we're talking, not typing."

"...well, we're typed as talking."

"...wassat?"

"...dunno."

"Hey, the authoress should so totally like, type proper english!" Kaoru protested. "Like, 'dunno' should be 'I don't know'."

"Dude, the authoress is just trying to save seconds of our precious lives!" Hikaru reasoned. "'Dunno' will only take one second to say."

"...we're back to the topic again..."

"..."

**SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE, NOW WE SHALL PROCEED WITH THE CHAPTER.**

"Dude, if your IQ isn't a negative hundred, then you would have known that potatoes were edible!" Tamaki shouted.

"Yeah, and like DUHH, I DO know that potatoes are edible!" Kaoru yelled. "I just like, so totally SAID that!"

"Whatever... this conversation is getting out of topic..." This was from Hikaru.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"QUACK!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"ARGH!! I'M SO GOING TO CATCH THAT DUCK ONE DAY!"

"..."

"..."

"Good luck..."

* * *

**Umm... yeah... that duck is so awesome. XDD**


	8. Chapter 8

****

Looks like I haven't been able to update any faster. "XD

**My sincere apologies!**

**50 Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Ouran!**

.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.  
**Number 8:**  
.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.

**I will not attempt to blackmail Kyouya ever again.**

* * *

"I WANT MY IPOD BACK!!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...sheesh, Hikaru, Kyouya-senpai has warned you not use them for three weeks." Haruhi said.

"Two weeks." Kaoru corrected.

Haruhi rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

"BUT HE FRICKING SAID MP4!! I JUST WANT MY IPOD!!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...someone gave Hikaru sugar again?"

"..."

"..."

...silence...

Then...

"I WANT MY IPOD!! IT HAS BRITNEY SPEARS ON IT!!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

More silence...

Then...

"...why . the . hell . do . you . have . Britney . Spears . on . your. iPod?!" This was from Tamaki.

"...because I want to."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...okayy." Tamaki massaged his temples. "I will NOT ask."

"...dude..." This was from Kaoru. "I told you that Hilary Duff was so much better."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Five pairs of eyes were fixed on Kaoru.

"...what?" Kaoru asked.

"...we do not want to know." Haruhi, Tamaki, Hani, Kyouya and Mori chorused.

"...oh." Kaoru shrugged.

"I WANT MY IPOD!!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Oh, oh, oh!! I know, I know!!" Hikaru suddenly squealed.

"...don't tell me." Tamaki quickly walked away. "I do not want to know."

"Let's blackmail Kyouya-senpai into letting us have our iPods, mangas and laptops back!" Hikaru whispered to Kaoru.

"..." Kaoru narrowed his eyes at his twin.

"What? You don't like my idea?" Hikaru blinked innocently.

"You're a genius!" Kaoru patted his twin on his back.

"Yeah, see? See?" Hikaru also patted Kaoru on his back.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Both of them started laughing...

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Tama-chan... wait for me, I'm going with you!" Hani also quickly followed Tamaki away... and then followed by Mori, of course.

So... all the people who was left was Haruhi and Kyouya... who was expected to be blackmailed at any time...

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" ...and the EBIL laugh continues...

"..."

"..."

"...Barney is a dinosaur, from my imagination..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

...SILENCE...

"...thanks a lot, Haruhi." Kaoru commented.

"No problem, any time." Was the reply.

"..."

"..."

"..."

...SO... back to the blackmailing plot...

"...Hikaru..." Kaoru tapped his twin on the shoulder.

"Wha-?"

"...how do we blackmail someone?"

"..."

"..."

"Well..."

"..." Kaoru nodded.

"...well..."

"Uh huh...?" Kaoru nodded some more.

"...well... I have no idea."

"..."

...SILENCE...

"...thanks a lot, Hikaru." Kaoru commented.

"...you're being sarcastic today, Kaoru..." Hikaru observed.

"...thanks."

"...whatever..."

"Oh, I know!" Kaoru squealed.

"Yeah? Yeah?" Hikaru asked eagerly.

"Let's photoshop one of Kyouya-senpai's pictures!"

"...good idea!"

...and THUS, Hikaru and Kaoru photoshopped one of Kyouya's pictures into a... teddy bear... with... uhh... big, fluffy, pink, bunny ears... and... umm... golden ruby diamond earrings... very... stylish, should I say?

"TA-DAH!!" Hikaru and Kaoru presented their MASTERPIECE in front of the entire host club.

Tamaki's jaw dropped.

Hani blinked. And blinked. And blinked. And blinked.

Mori... well... he's just being Mori...

Haruhi was trying to uhh... figure out if it was a gorilla or kangaroo...

And...

Finally...

Kyouya... was... well... smiling.

As in, SMILING. Like a smiley face, you know? Remember when you used to be in elementary school; if you got an answer correct, your teacher would draw this circle with two dots in it and a curve? Yeah, THAT'S a smiley face. A smiling smiley smiley face! Get it? Yay!

SO. Kyouya was smiling ever-so-calmly...

Which made Hikaru and Kaoru shudder.

"Hikaru, Kaoru." Kyouya said.

For some reason, the devilish twins felt that his voice was two notes too high. They recognized that voice. It's the voice of the Shadow King!! RAWR!!

Hikaru and Kaoru clutched their laptops tightly. Their last ray of hope!!

"If I remember correctly," Kyouya adjusted his glasses. "You weren't allowed to touch computers or laptops for two months, is it not?"

Uh oh...

Hikaru and Kaoru exchanged a glance that was so totally like: 'Look-at-him!-Now-you-made-him-angry-and-it-is-all-YOUR-fault-thanks-a-lot!!"

And THUS... our beloved Hitachiin twins were doooooomed... yet again...

Oh well.

Let's wish them luck!!

* * *

**"XD Pointlessness ahoy!! XDD You might want to actually try photoshopping that... XDD**


	9. Chapter 9

**DO NOT WORRY! THE AWESOMISH DUCK IS NOT DEAD!! XDD**

**50 Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Ouran!**

.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.  
**Number 9:**  
.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.

**I will not attempt to murder ANY stray duck that's in the Host Club.**

* * *

"Tamaki-senpai..."

No reply.

"...Tamaki-senpai...?"

Still no reply.

"...Tamaki-senpai...!"

STILL no reply.

"...Tamaki-senpai!!"

"...zzzz...."

"..."

The world isn't always perfect... like, it will always contain an idiot who falls asleep when drinking tea...

"This cake is delicious!" Hani mumbled through a mouthful of chocolate cake.

"..."

"..."

"..."

What does all of this have to do with anything?!

Well... Tamaki, who is now currently leaning on the table... asleep... his blonde hair looked kind of... weird... and THAT'S why Haruhi has attempted to call him for the past ten minutes...

"Tamaki," Kyouya spoke calmly. "You have duck butt hair."

"..."

"..."

"WHAT?!?!"

A high-pitched shriek pierced through the air of the peaceful Host Club...

"I have duck butt hair?!" Tamaki cried, running around in hopes of finding a mirror... "Like that Uchiha Sasuke dude in Naruto?!! NOOO!!"

"...doesn't 'naruto' mean like, fish cake or something..?" Haruhi asked.

Hikaru sweatdropped, "Haruhi... you really don't watch any anime, do you?"

"Huh??" Haruhi tilted her head to one side questioningly.

Kaoru narrowed his eyes at her exasperately, "'Naruto' is this ninja-ish anime, and in this ninja-ish anime, there's this gay dude called Uchiha Sasuke, and this gay dude called Uchiha Sasuke has duck butt hair, and this duck butt hair, is what my Lord has on his head right now, and this head that my Lord has now, is now cursed with duck butt hair."

"..."

"..."

"...Kaoru... you sound... weird... today..."

"I do?"

"..."

"..."

"NOOO!!! I DON'T FANBOY SASUKE SO I DON'T WANT HIS DUCK BUTT HAIR!!!" Tamaki shrieked.

"QUAAAACK!!!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

SILENCE...

...more silence...

"It's not duck butt hair... it's a real duck's butt..." Hikaru commented...

"Ahhh!!" Tamaki shrieked again. "A DUCK'S BUTT IS WORSE THAN DUCK BUTT HAIR!! I DON'T FANBOY DUCK'S BUTTS EITHER!!!"

Poor duck... it got scared, badly. So, it decided that Tamaki's shoulder wasn't an ideal place for a nest and it flapped its wings and jumped off his shoulder, quacking with irritation.

"Quack, quack quack. Qua-qua-quack quack!!"

_Translation: I just wanted to have a small nap, I didn't set an alarm clock!!_

"..."

"..."

"..."

Alarm clock...

Amazing how animals know the world of humans, no?

"This stray duck is getting on Ore-sama's nerves!!" Tamaki declared. "Ore-sama demands that it be executed immediately!!"

"...my Lord... 'executed' is too formal..." Hikaru said...

"...and stop acting like this Atobe dude from Prince of Tennis..." Kaoru added.

"...tough luck..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...quack?"

_Translation: What's the joke?_

"..."

"..."

"Here duckie duckie!" Hikaru started playing with the duck with a pencil...

"..."

"..."

"...Hikaru, there's no way that a duck will be interested in a pencil..." Kaoru began... but...

"QUACK!"

In a split second, the duck had the pencil in its beaks. "Qua-qua-qua quack? Qua-quack quack!!"

_Translation: How did you know that I needed a toothpick? Thank you!_

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...my pencil..."

"...That's it!! I've had enough!!" Tamaki announced. He pulled out a knife from under his sleeve and pointed it at the duck.

Maybe he should try out for the FBI??

"...wow..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Tamaki," Kyouya stood up and closed this file. "Maybe you would like to reconsider killing the duck..."

Mori nodded.

"HUH?! WHY?!" Tamaki demanded, holding out his knife, preparing to strike the duck any time...

"Because..." Kyouya adjusted his glasses.

"...Mitsukuni..." Mori bagan...

"TAMAKI SUOU!!!"

"...huh?" All heads turned towards the voice... ANNNNDDDD... theeyyyy saaawwww... HANINOZUKA MITSUKUNI!!!

"Hani... senpai...??"

"HOW DARE YOU ATTEMPT TO KILL MY DUCK WHEN I'M EATING CAKE!!!"

"...YOUR duck?!"

Kyouya reopened his file calmly. "According to my research these past few days, this duck rightfully belongs to Haninozuka Mitsukuni and is currently his favourite pet..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Maybe Kyouya should try out for the FBI too...

Outside, a scream could be heard within miles of the Ouran Academy...

"OOTORI KYOUYA, JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE!!!"

* * *

**I didn't realize that so many people loved the duck so much! XDD Cheers for the duck!! XD**


	10. Chapter 10

**50 Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Ouran!**

.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.  
**Number 10:**  
.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.

**I will not attempt to teach Haruhi how to play the piano.**

* * *

"Haruhi..." Hikaru and Kaoru stared at said girl with narrowed eyes.

"...huh?" Haruhi blinked blankly.

"You should like, learn something," Hikaru said.

"Something other than school work." Kaoru added.

"...I don't have... time..." Haruhi said slowly, her eye twitching.

"OHHHH.... my poor daughter!!" Tamaki suddenly appeared out of nowhere... and... patted Haruhi's hair while crying, "Daddy knows that you don't have money, but it's okay!! Daddy will stay with you!! Don't worry!!"

"T...Tamaki-senpai..." Haruhi twitched, "You're not helping."

"Ah, it's alright," Tamaki stroked Haruhi like a cat, "Daddy knows you're touched... no need to thank me, it's the least daddy can do for his daughter! Oh, my poor daughter!"

"Tamaki-senpai, you're making a scene." Haruhi said through gritted teeth.

Tamaki blinked. Once. Twice. Thrice. Four times.

"Ta-Tamaki-sama..." one of the fine young ladies that were watching them stammered, "Y-You said... you said... Fujioka-san is.. y-your daughter...?!!"

_Uh oh._ Tamaki gulped and glanced at the rest of the hosts with eyes that said, "Save me!! How should I explain??!!"

And the others returned him with a look that said, "You totally started all of this, so _you_ fix the mess."

Tamaki used his super awesome ultra effective puppy dog eyes in hopes of getting anyone willing to help him.

And...

Then...

"I want more cake~!" Hani whined.

"Mitsukuni," Mori looked at him, "You can't eat so much sweets."

"B-But!!" Hani's eyes turned teary.

...

"Hmm... we need to make more profit..." Kyouya murmured.

"...I thought we already are?" Haruhi tried to peek into Kyouya's file.

...

"Kaoru, I found awesome Digimon cards yesterday!" Hikaru grinned, looking proud.

"Ohh, show me!" Kaoru's eyes sparkled.

...

_I'm ignored!!!_ Tamaki shrieked inwardly.

"Ta-Tamaki-sama," the fine young ladies all looked at him with expressions that are clearly in shock, surprise and disbelief, "You... you... you and Fujioka-san..."

_Oops._ Tamaki cursed himself inwardly. _What should I do now?!?!_

"KYAAAA~!!!"

"IT'S SO MUCH MORE INTENSE THAN HIKARU AND KAORU-SAMA!!"

"WUAH! Fujioka-san and Tamaki-sama!!!"

"So unbelievable isn't it?!?!"

"It's so cute!!!"

"Tamaki-sama... Fujioka-san... just... wuah! KYAAA!!"

"..."

The whole Host Club stared in shock, dumbfounded. Their mouths hung open and they stood there, speechless.

Very unbelievable, no?

Actually not very. Especially since _most_ of our dear readers are fangirls.

...and we all know the wrath of fangirling...

"..."

"..."

"...hmm... it will make alot of profit..." Kyouya noted, scribbling into his file.

"You're talking about profit at a time like this?!" Haruhi demanded.

"No!"

"..."

"..."

All heads turned towards Hikaru and Kaoru.

"We believe that we will make more profit by letting Haruhi learn something!" they announced proudly.

"..."

"..."

All heads turned back to what they were orginally doing.

"..."

"...hey... don't just ignore us...!!" Hikaru waved his arms above his head.

"It'll work!!!" Kaoru chimed in, "Very well!!"

"...Or so it will."

All heads turned towards the source of the voice: Ootori Kyouya.

"Yes! I shall teach my daughter how to play the piano!!" Tamaki declared.

"..."

"..."

"..."

Silence.

"Tamaki-sama's still at it..."

"Kyaaaa~~"

"..."

"..."

"...uh... ex-cuuu-se me?!" this was from none other than Fujioka Haruhi herself, "Have you asked for my permission at all? Have I decided that I want to learn anything else besides school work at all?"

"...well, I'm sure you do," Hikaru nodded.

"...you know that, deep inside your heart..." Kaoru said slowly, and made dramatic gestures with his hands as he talked, "Listen... do you hear that? It's your soul calling to you...!! It's yearning for some special talent... art... music... astrology... it's trying to struggle free!! You must learn something special in order to set your heart free... soaring into the skies!!"

"...she'll die if her heart flies into the sky—mmfph!!" Hikaru quickly shoved a piece of cake into Hani's mouth before he could finish his sentence.

"...well?" Kaoru looked at Haruhi with expectation, "What do you say? You want to learn something now, don't you?"

"...there's no way anyone would be 'hypnotized' by that—hmmpuhf!!" Another piece of cake was shoved into Hani's mouth by Hikaru.

"Well??" Kaoru's eyes sparkled.

"...yeah... I do kind of want to learn something..." Haruhi said slowly.

"YAY!!!" Hikaru and Kaoru high-fived, "Our 'Hypnotize Haruhi Plan' is a success!!"

"..."

"...I don't believe it." this was from Tamaki.

"...well I do." this was from Kyouya.

"..." this was from Mori.

"Well, I have decided to teach Haruhi dah piano!!" Tamaki declared.

And so...

"Tremble clef?"

"No, no, no! It's 'treble clef'!" _(Note: treble clef —_ _a kind of symbol used in music pieces. Some others include bass clef and grand staff.)_

"Oh, treble clef," Haruhi nodded.

Tamaki sighed, _this is self-torture!!_

"And the other one?" Haruhi asked, "Bass clef?"

"Yes," Tamaki pointed at a line of notes on a piano book, "This note is called the Middle C, situated on a ledger line in the tremble clef." _(Note: ledger line — extra lines that are written above or below the staff (the normal five lines.).)_

"...tremble clef."

"...treble clef." Tamaki twitched as he corrected himself.

"...treble clef."

"And," Tamaki continued, "The next note on the white keys is called a 'D', then an 'E', then an 'F', and so on."

"All the way to 'Z'?"

"...no. Until 'G'." Tamaki twitched.

"Ah, okay."

"Got it?"

"...then where's 'A' and 'B'?"

"...they are before 'C'." Tamaki twitched.

"Ah... right."

"..."

"The black keys are for decoration?"

"..."

"...and if there's only 'A' to 'G', what are the other keys called?"

"..."

"...I thought the piano was a stringed instrument...?"

"..."

"What are the pedals for? Decoration?"

"..."

"...why do grand pianos have this cover thingy above it that people have to open?"

"..."

"...and normal pianos don't?"

"..."

"...and..."

"..."

"...what was it again? Tremble clef?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Tamaki...-senpai...??"

"HELP!!!!!"

"QUACK?!?!"

"KYOUYA, KILL THAT DUCK THIS INSTANT!!! DROWN IT! CHOKE IT!! STAB IT!! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!!!"

"TAMAKI SUOU, WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!!! YOU WANT TO KILL MY DUCK?!"

"...Mitsukuni—!"

"..."

The sky was never clearer, never brighter, on this wonderful sunny afternoon...

* * *

**...yeah. XDDD**


	11. Chapter 11

**I ammmm QUACK!!**

**...**

**Uhh... I mean...**

**I ammmm BACK!!**

**...must have picked that up from TEH duck...**

**XDDD**

**50 Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Ouran!**

.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.  
**Number 11:**  
.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.

**I will not talk about manga during hosting hours ever again.**

* * *

"WE ARE QUACK!!!"

"..."

"...we mean..."

"..."

"WE ARE BACK!!!" Hikaru and Kaoru corrected themselves.

"..."

"...the authoress just used that in her author's note..." Haruhi commented.

"...we know," the twins chorused, "But she's just uncreative."

"..."

"..."

**Notice: Apologies for interrupting the chapter with the temporary removal of a certain pair of devilish twins.**

"..."

"I'm bored!" Hani whined.

"..."

"...Go watch Naruto Shippuuden." Tamaki yawned.

"..."

"..."

All eyes fixed on Tamaki.

"...what?!" Tamaki stared back. "Don't look at me like that!!"

"Naruto Shippuuden." Hani repeated.

"...yeah?"

"..."

"Dude... Naruto is stupid." This was from the... uhh... you know... the INNER INSANE Mori...

"..."

"..."

"...and gay." Mori added ever-so-kindly.

"..."

"..."

"...Mori-senpai has really lost it..."

"...yeah..."

"..."

"...what did I say?" The OUTER SANE Mori asked.

"...he's back to normal..."

"...so," Tamaki cleared his throat. "As I was saying... if you're bored, go watch Naruto Shippuuden!!"

"...why are you so obsessed with Naruto Shippuuden?!" Haruhi asked.

"...Because I wanted to watch that Sasuke dude with duck butt hair..." Tamaki replied.

"..."

"..."

"...Tamaki-senpai... you're still not over it?" Haruhi stared at him.

"...blame Hani-senpai's duck for that..."

"..."

"QUACK!!!" The duck protested.

"..."

"FINE!" Tamaki glared back at the people (and the duck) who were... well... glaring at him, "Go watch Bleach!!"

"..."

"...bleach?" Haruhi repeated.

"... yes, BLEACH!!"

"...what's so interesting about staring at a bottle of _bleach_??" Haruhi asked.

"..."

"..."

"...whitewash is better," Haruhi added.

"..."

"...Bleach is an anime/manga, for god's sake!" Tamaki explained.

"...oh." was the reply.

"..."

"...I'm still bored." Hani announced.

"..."

"...fine!" Tamaki rolled his eyes, "Go watch Prince of Tennis!!"

"..."

"...just don't go on Fanfiction dot net if you watch that."

"...why?"

"...because it's full of boylove."

"..."

"...only the fanfictions though!!" Tamaki quickly added.

"..."

Four pairs of eyes fixed on Tamaki.

"...what?" Tamaki stared back.

"...you've read them." Hani stared at Tamaki.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"What is Fanfiction dot net, anyway?" Haruhi sweatdropped.

"..."

"...and what's boylove?" she added.

"..."

"..."

"...tennis, anyone?"

"..."

"..."

An awkward silence followed. And, we are proud to announce the return of the devilish twins!

"Prince of Tennis is stupid," Hikaru said, "It's full of Gary Stus!"

"...Gary Stus?" Haruhi tipped her head.

"...you really don't know anything besides school work, do you?" Kaoru muttered.

"...are you implying that I'm a nerd?" Haruhi demanded.

"..."

"I'm booooored~" Hani whined.

"OMG, go watch D. Gray Man, then!" Tamaki waved his hands in the air, "Even that Allen Walker dude in D. Gray Man has duckbutt hair!!"

"But D. Gray Man contains violence!!" Hikaru protested.

"Digimon!!"

"Childish!!"

"Vampire Knight!!"

"Sappy!!"

"Gintama!!"

"Boring!!"

"Fruits Basket!!"

"Uncreative!!"

"Shaman King!!"

"Lengthy!!"

"Death Note!!"

"Angsty!!"

"Rosario + Vampire!!"

"Hentai!!"

"Tokyo Mew Mew!!"

"Girly!!"

"Detective Conan!!"

"Creepy!!"

"La Corda D'Oro!!"

"Insignificant!!"

"Teletubies!!"

"Revolting!!"

"I GIVE UP!!"

"ABOUT TIME!!"

Tamaki and Hikaru both collapsed onto the chairs, gasping for breath. The rest were... just... watching... and twitching...

Kyouya adjusted his glasses in disapproval, "Recently, our profit is dropping steadily... I suppose it is because of the insaneness of the current Host Club—"

"Umm, Kyouya-senpai," Haruhi interrupted politely, (but since interrupting is not considered polite at all, we shall just ignore that comment,) "I think... it should be 'insanity'... not 'insaneness'..."

"..."

Kyouya adjusted his glasses again and cleared his throat.

Haruhi's heart sank. The last hope of having someone still _sane_ in the host club shattered. Apart from herself, that is. Because she _considers_ herself still pretty normal. Keyword here being _considers_.

"Teletubies is cool~~" The INNER INSANE Mori announced.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...?" The OUTER SANE Mori blinked, after sensing six pairs of eyes glued upon him. And after he has regained control of his normal self. Or maybe his _supposedly_ normal self. Because we never know if the INNER INSANE Mori is the real Mori or not...

"I hope it is." Hikaru muttered.

All the Mori fans threw stuff at him.

"Naruto means fish cake..." Haruhi murmured sadly. Because nowadays, everytime 'Naruto' is mentioned, most people will always think of THE Uzumaki Naruto... as in, the Ninja dude... or the Kyuubi dude, or whatever...

"Sakura means cherry blossom..." Haruhi continued to murmur sadly. Because nowadays, everytime 'Sakura' is mentioned, most people will think of THE Haruno Sakura or the Sakura from Cardcaptor Sakura or some random anime girl called Sakura...

"Harry Potter is so much better..." Haruhi smiled.

"..."

That was probably enough to prove that Haruhi wasn't exactly as 'sane' as she has claimed...

"..."

"..."

Hani yawned. "...I'm... still bored..."

* * *

**XDDD That was pure genius, wasn't it?**

***stuff is thrown at authoress***


	12. Chapter 12

**WARNING: If you don't know the story line (or characters) of Harry Potter, then please don't read this chapter. XD**

**50 Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Ouran!**

.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.  
**Number 12:**  
.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.

**I will not attempt to cosplay as Harry Potter characters.**

* * *

"Hairy butler?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

When his inquiry was met with only silence, Hikaru crossed his arms, "Okay, I know that my english isn't really that awesome."

"It's Harry Potter," Haruhi corrected ever so kindly.

"Pot?" Kaoru chimed in, "Tar?"

"..."

"..."

Kaoru rolled his eyes, "Okay? I know that my english isn't really that awesome either?"

"It's Harry Potter," Haruhi corrected again, ever so kindly.

"J. K. Rowling?" Tamaki read as he picked up a book from the table in front of him.

"No, I am certainly NOT joking," Haruhi protested, "And certainly NOT rolling."

"...say what?"

"JK?" Haruhi rolled her eyes, "It literally means 'joking' in chatspeak?"

"Say... what?"

"Chatspeak?" Haruhi rolled her eyes again, "Language used when chatting?"

"...say... what?"

"Like OMG, WTF, BBQ?"

"...say... what...???"

"Dude, don't you know how to speak english?!" Haruhi asked.

"We're japanese," everyone corrected ever so kindly.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Ahem."

Silence.

...

Ootori Kyouya adjusted his glasses calmly, "Harry Potter, that's our theme today."

"..."

"..."

"Why am I an owl?"

All eyes on Hani.

"Because you're the smallest."

Glances at Kyouya.

"And am I supposed to be the hairy butler?"

All eyes on Hikaru.

"Why am I wearing this bushy beard thingy?!" Hikaru demanded.

"Because you're Hagrid," was Kyouya's reply.

"Say what?"

"Whatever."

"..."

"..."

"Dude, even I am wearing this bushy beard thingy, okay?" Kaoru protested.

"But yours is white!" Hikaru whined.

"..."

"..."

"You _want_ your beard to be white?" Tamaki asked.

"It's like Santa Claus!" Hikaru said proudly.

"..."

"..."

"Anyway," Kaoru smoothed his 'beard'... "Exactly _why_ am I wearing this bushy white beard thingy?!"

"Because you're Dumbledore," was Kyouya's reply.

"Say what?"

"Nothing."

"..."

"..."

"And Mori-senpai?" Haruhi asked, "Why is he also wearing this bushy beard thingy on his head?"

"It's called a wig, thank you very much," Tamaki added.

"Because he's Hermione," was Kyouya's reply.

"...oh."

"..."

"..."

"And Tamaki-senpai?" Haruhi asked again, "Why isn't he wearing any bushy beard thingy?"

"Because I'm Draco Malfoy," Tamaki announced proudly.

"And you?" Haruhi demanded, "Why are you dressed all normal?"

"Because," Kyouya adjusted his glasses, "I'm Harry Potter."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Ah, I just discovered that 'Potter' has the word 'otter' in it!" Hikaru Hagrid declared proudly.

All eyes on Hikaru... and his desk full of english dictionaries... and laptops... with Google translators and Wikipedia...

"Thank you very much," everyone replied.

"At least I'm improving," Hikaru Hagrid muttered.

"And what is Haru-chan dressed as?" owl-Hani asked.

"Ron Weasley?" Tamaki Malfoy guessed.

"No," Kyouya Potter answered, "She's Severus Snape."

"..."

"..."

"...an owl and no Ron?"

"..."

"I mean, Ron's owl and no Ron?" Kaoru Dumbledore corrected himself.

"He could be any owl," Hikaru Hagrid pointed out.

"Ah, good point."

"..."

"...thanks for all the encouragement," owl-Hani muttered.

"You're so not going to get any profit this time," Haruhi Snape commented.

Kyouya Potter pushed up his glasses and cleared his throat. (Body language: "Why?")

"Because most of us are all wearing weird bushy beard thingies!" Haruhi Snape answered.

Kyouya Potter glanced as his file, "Ridiculous."

"Not ridiculous at all," Haruhi Snape protested.

"I'm practicing the spell," Kyouya Potter replied calmly, "Ridiculous, that's the spell."

"..."

"..."

"...Kyouya-senpai has finally lost it..."

"..."

"I thought it was _Ridiculus_ or something?" the INNER INSANE Mori Granger spoke up.

"..."

Tamaki Malfoy narrowed his eyes at Mori Granger, "I thought you never read Harry Potter?"

"I've read Hairy Butler," TEH INNER INSANE Mori Granger nodded, "It's about a young butler who goes to this magic butler school called Hogwarts and all."

"..."

"..."

"...where the hell did you read that?!"

"Mori-senpai has really lost it too."

* * *

**XDDD**

**Because Kyouya wasn't getting many scenes, so I decided to write a chapter featuring mostly him.**

**...the insane him.**

***Kyouya fans throws stuff at authoress***


	13. Chapter 13

**50 Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Ouran!**

.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.  
**Number 13:**  
.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.

**I will not say that thirteen is an unlucky number ever again.**

* * *

It was a nomral day at Ouran.

...

(Did you happen to notice that there was a spelling mistake up there?)

(If you did, then you're a genius! Ahaha. XDD)

*stuff is thrown at authoress*

...

Oh, no, I mean—it was a NORMAL day at Ouran. When I say normal, it means that the students are in class, listening to some old professor ramble about how electrons moves around the nucleus without bumping into each other. If they DID happen to bump into each other, that would have caused the atom to explode. OMG, that's so terrifying!! Isn't that another way to say that all organisms are living dynamites? Ahhh!! The world is going to get destroyed!! I love to see the chemical reaction between water and potassium. :) It actually BURNS in water. That's so cool.

But nooo! That has nothing to do with our dear Ouran host club characters... fine...

Just so you know, the host club characters are in class too. Let's take a look at the second years, Haruhi and the twins' class...

"OMG?" this was from Hikaru.

Haruhi turned her head to look at him.

"Hey, sensei!" Hikaru raised his hand.

The random old professor turned at him, "What is it?" he adjusted his glasses, and the lenses reflected the light in this really creepy way... which kind of reminded Hikaru of Kyouya...

"Why do you tell us to answer question 13?"

"What is wrong with that?"

"13 is a bad number!!"

"..."

"You definitely want to curse us!!" Hikaru pointed his AWESOME ACCUSING finger at the professor's big red nose. (Rudolph! XD *authoress gets kicked out*) Ah! How disrespectful of him to do so!!

The professor's eyebrow twitched, "I will ignore that comment. Continue with the lesson."

"But nooo! You shouldn't be giving us question 13 to solve!!" Hikaru continued, "You defiinitely want to curse us!! Ahh, how terrifying!!"

And meanwhile, what was the rest of the class doing?

Ahh, they're already solving question 15...

The professor twitched again, "You will be given a detention if you continue this nonsense!"

"OMGOMGOMGOMG!! AND the question has 13 words in it!" Hikaru pointed his AWESOME ACCUSING finger at the textbook, "Ahhh, you evil professor!!"

"...Hitachiin Hikaru, I demand you to stop your idiotic blabble right now!"

"Sensei~!" Kaoru raised his hand with an oh-so-innocent face.

The professor looked at him.

"How old are you?"

"..."

Kaoru blinked. Very innocent.

"...67 years old."

"AHH!" Hikaru's AWESOME ACCUSING finger was pointed yet again at the professor ('s big red nose. XDD!!), "Six plus seven is 13!! You ARE evil!!"

Kaoru went back to solve question 17...

"HITACHIIN HIKARU! OUT! NOW!" the professor roared. RAWR!

"NO! I SHALL NOT GO OUT! Because I know that you'll try to curse the class while I'm not here! I will NOT let you get away with it!!"

"Why, you...!!"

"Sensei," Haruhi raised her hand with an angelic face.

The professor looked at her.

"How long have you worked here?"

"..."

Haruhi blinked. Very angelic.

"...13 years..."

"AHA!" Hikaru continued to point his AWESOME ACCUSING finger at the poor professor, "SEE! You ARE trying to curse everyone!!"

Haruhi scratched her head, hmm... question 18 is quite hard...

"OUT!!! _NOW!!!_" The professor shouted.

...

The poor professor ended up in at the doctor's... because of his high blood pressure...

Kyouya adjusted his glasses. There was an unusual increase in the number of girls that came to the host club today.

"Uwah~ Today is buzy buzy, desu!" Hani chewed on his chocolate cake happily. How adorable!!!

But, did the girls pay much attention to him?

Nooo...!

"Oh my god, Hikaru-sama~!"

"You were wonderful today, Hikaru-sama!!"

"Hikaru-kun~ the expression on the professor's face was priceless!"

"Hikaru-sama, you're my idol~!!"

"Hey, don't push! I want to talk to Hikaru-san too..."

"Ne, ne, Hikaru-sama..."

"Hikaru-sama..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Haruhi took a sip from her cup calmly. Kaoru licked his coffee spoon absent-mindedly.

All eyes on Haruhi and Kaoru.

The two felt shivers down their spines.

Tamaki narrowed his eyes.

Kyouya cleared his throat.

Hani blinked.

Mori... well... he was playing with the petals of a rose... looks like his inner insane self took over again...

Haruhi put down her teacup.

"OMG! EVERYONE FREEZE FOR ONE HOUR!!!"

"...what is it, Hikaru?" Tamaki asked.

"It's like, 1 o'clock in the afternoon! That's like, 13 o'clock!! ZOMG, this must be the professor's curse!!"

"...dude, there's like, 13 o'clock since everyday!" this was from Tamaki.

"ZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMG!!Exclaimationmarkexclaimationmarkexclaimationmarkexclaimationmark!!!"

Haruhi shifted towards the edge of the sofa.

Kaoru stood up and edged towards the door.

"13 is evillll!!!" Hikaru exclaimed.

"I find the number thirteen quite nice," Kyouya closed his file.

"You're evil!! ZOMG!" Hikaru pointed his AWESOME ACCUSING finger at Kyouya, "How dare you like the number thirteen! It's so evil!"

Mori held up a flower stem, "There were 13 petals on this flower."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...it's evil."

"Okay," Kyouya pushed up his glasses, "Haruhi. Kaoru."

The two froze in front of the door.

"...who fed Hikaru sugar again?"

"..."

"..."

"...13 hours of extra work for the rest of the month!"

"..."

"...Hikaru is right, 13 _is _evil." Kaoru twitched.

"...it's just the authoress's chapter that is evil." Haruhi answered back.

"...13 hours of extra work within 13 days."

"..."

"..."

* * *

**Pointless. Ahaha. :D**

***shot***


	14. Chapter 14

**PS: The sentences in _italic_ are lyrics of songs. :D (In case some dear readers don't celebrate Christmas~ :D *is stabbed then shot*)**

**50 Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Ouran!**

.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.  
**Number 14:**  
.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.

**I will not (try to) break the windows to see what they are made of.**

* * *

"_Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride—_"

"Shut up!!" everyone (except Kaoru) chorused.

Hikaru pouted, "Fine! Don't share the Christmas spirit!"

"Hikaru," Haruhi sighed, "It's only November, Christmas is not until the end of December. It's a month away!"

"Did you know that there's a Christmas carol about roasting chestnuts?"

"..."

"..."

"...say what?"

"...roasting chestnuts?"

Hikaru nodded proudly, "Yes, a Christmas carol about roasting chestnuts!" (A/N: I'm not kidding, it really exists! Isn't that KEWL? :D *stabbed*)

"...and we're talking about Christmas carols because...?"

"Because it's almost Christmas!" (_It's almost Christmas~ across the town as evening falls~ the snow drifts down~ _:D! *shot*)

"Dude..."

"_Silent night~ Holy night~_"

"Kaoru!!" everyone (except Hikaru) protested.

"What?" Kaoru looked hurt.

"The windows are going to shatter!"

"No, they're not!" Hikaru jumped up, "They're made of diamonds, the hardest element on earth!"

"...aren't diamonds a compound?"

"No...? It's like, a fricking element."

"...no way...? It's a compound, right?"

"...whatever! Chemistry can be fed to muffins for all I care!"

Hani turned teary-eyed, "No!! Muffins are too _kee-yute_ and _yuh-mmie_ to be tainted by the EBIL claws of chemistry!"

"..."

"..."

"Moo."

"..."

Tamaki took out a knife from thin air (He should totally like, join the MAFIA! :D *shotshotshot*) and glared around the room, "Now after a DUCK, there's a COW in here?!"

"...no," Haruhi pointed to TEH person beside Hani, "That was the inner insane Mori-senpai."

"..."

"..."

"...now wait a minute," Kyouya adjusted his AWESOMISH glasses, without looking up from his AWESOMISH file (because he's Ootori Kyouya and because he's just AWESOMISH that way), "The windows here are certainly NOT made of diamonds."

"Oh yes, they are!" Hikaru said, "This is TEH Ouran High School! So TEH windows are obviously made of TEH diamonds!"

"...no, they're not!" Tamaki placed his knife back to wherever it came from, "They're just made of PLAIN OLD crystals!"

"..."

"Electrolytes actually conduct electricity! How cool is that!" Kaoru exclaimed.

"..."

"...stop talking about chemistry, dammit!"

"It's not like it's my fault!" Kaoru protested, "The authoress's mind is like, filled with chemistry now because she fricking has so much homework and a lab report to do!"

"We do NOT care about the authoress!" everyone chorused.

"F... fine!" Kaoru pouted, and went to cower in his dark, sinister, gloomy, depressing, murky, creepy, baleful, and shadowed corner of woe.

Hikaru ignored (how rude of him!! D: *shotshotshot*) his twin's exaggerated depression and jabbed his AWESOMISH accusing finger at the bright, clear and polished windows, "Dude, LOOK! It's like, SO totally made of diamonds!"

"It is NOT!!" Tamaki roared. RAWR!!

"Moo."

"..."

"..."

Haruhi set up a shrine in the corner of the room (is she a ninja?) and knelt down before it, "...I will pray for your health, Mori-senpai."

"It's just PLAIN crystals!" Tamaki also jabbed his AWESOMISH accusing finger at TEH window.

"No, it's made of DIAMONDS, I'm sure of it!!" Hikaru stood his ground, "Only then could TEH imperious Ouran High School stand high and mighty!"

Kyouya observed the exchange between the two calmly and scribbled in his AWESOMISH file...

"Dude, use your common sense, please!" Tamaki waved his hands in exasperation, "Where in the world could anyone obtain such a HUGE sheet of diamond?!"

(He actually talked logic! Wow!!! Way to go, Tamaki Suou! :D *kicked*)

"But we live in the awesomish period of TECHNOLOGY!"

"Nuh uh, nope," Kaoru chimed in, "As far as scientific fields are concerned, the current technology isn't developed enough to—"

"Shut up!!" everyone cried. Because no one really cares about science! Yay!

"Rude people!!" Kaoru retorted, and went back to his now, dark, sinister, ominous, threatening, foreboding, menacing, intimidating, and EBIL corner of woe...

"Who in his right mind would think that such a large sheet of diamond existed?" Tamaki shrugged to emphasize his point, "And enough for all the windows in the school?"

"Who in his right mind would think that such a large sheet of crystal existed?" Hikaru extended his arm towards TEH window, "And enough for all the windows in the school?"

"It's more logical than _diamonds_, okay?" Tamaki rolled his eyes.

"No, it isn't! They're both pretty illogical!" Hikaru rolled his eyes.

(OMECTB! Hikaru actually talked _sense_!! World record!!! Quick, someone hand me a Nobel Prize Trophy!! *is bricked by Hikaru fans*)

Haruhi clapped her hands together in a prayer.

"..."

"..."

"...dude, what are you doing?"

Haruhi blinked, "I'm just trying to pray for the good health of Mori-senpai!"

"Oh, what a considerate daughter I have!" Tamaki announced proudly, "But now, please help your father here, do you think the windows are made of diamonds or crystal?"

Haruhi sweatdropped.

Hikaru jumped in, "It's SOO made of diamonds right? It makes sense since this is a _royal_ highschool!"

Haruhi twitched.

"No, it's made of crystals, obviously! Windows made of diamonds make no sense whatsoever!" Tamaki argued.

Haruhi sighed.

"Diamonds—"

"Crystals—"

"I think," Haruhi began, sensibly, "That the windows in this school are made of _glass_."

(Everyone, applaud!! *stabbed*)

"..."

"..."

Just when everyone was at a loss for words in front of Haruhi's wisdom, Hani, teary-eyed, pulled on Haruhi's shirt, then ran to Kyouya and pulled his sleeve (maybe because they were the _more_ sensible ones in this group now), "Haru-chan, Kyou-chan! Takashi is—"

Following Hani's extended finger, everyone stared at Mori, who was holding a fork in his hand.

"—committing suicide??" Kaoru jumped up, "Oh, Mori-senpai—!"

Haruhi knelt in front of her AWESOMISH shrine again, "I will pray for you...!"

"No, no, no!!" Hani shook his head, "Takashi wants to help you!!"

"..."

"...help... 'us'??"

Kaoru narrowed his eyes, "Who is 'us'?"

"Hika-chan and Tama-chan!"

"And why do we need help?" Tamaki stared at the fork in Mori's hand. Oh, how much cooler a fork looked than a knife! Tamaki nodded to himself, he must remember to pull out a fork next time...

"Because—"

_Ping!_

Mori threw the fork at the window.

"—he wants to help you decide if the window's made of diamonds or crystals!" Hani finished.

Kyouya's glasses flashed.

Everyone else cowered.

"...it's made of glass," Haruhi added.

But!!

A miracle occurred!!

The fork hit the window and made a scrunching sound and fell to the floor.

No, that was not the miracle.

The miracle was:

The window did NOT break!

No, the fork wasn't made of plastic, it was a _strong, sturdy, metal _fork.

No, the quality of the window wasn't AWESOMISHLY good.

So, is it the failure of chemistry??

The answer is...

...given by Ootori Kyouya.

Said person pushed up his glasses and closed his file, "I've predicted that this day would come, so," his gaze swept over everyone and all of them froze, "I've changed the windows in advance."

Everyone stared at the window.

True, the window wasn't _broken_, but it was _ripped_.

Haruhi poked it.

It collapsed.

"...it's made of transparent plastic wrap."

"..."

"..."

* * *

**XDD**

**Awesomish people and their awesomish windows.**

***shot***


	15. Chapter 15

**My fastest update ever? XD**

**50 Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Ouran!**

.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.  
**Number 15:**  
.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.

**I will not hack into Haruhi's locker ever again.**

* * *

"Tama-chan, this is illegal!"

"No, it is not!!"

"Shhh!!"

_Soft metallic noises._

"Ow! ...Hikaru!"

"...sorry..."

_Flapping sounds._

"Quack!"

"Someone shut that duck up!"

"QUAAAACKK!!!"

_Pecking noises_.

"Ouchouchouch!! Hani-senpai! Your duck is running wild!"

"...way to go, duck!"

_Devilish snickers._

"...moo."

"..."

Now the reason why _Mori_ came along with them is really unknown, even if his INNER INSANE side took over. So however we look at it, we must (indeed?) regret (oh, but why? XD) to assume that the outer sane side of him is actually interested in this awesomish plot! (But of course he is! XD)

"Tama-chan, why are we doing this?"

"To protect my precious daughter of course!"

"How is this called protecting her?"

Tamaki stared at Hani, "How is this not protecting her?"

"Um," Hani hugged his bunny plushie, "Because it's more like hacking than anything else?"

"..."

SO! Teh awesomish members of teh Host Club is now standing before a row of lockers and staring at them.

"...ah... hum?"

All eyes were turned to Tamaki, who was still staring at the row of shiny lockers.

"...Tama... chan?"

Tamaki was still staring, as he narrowed his eyes, at the row of shiny, polished lockers.

"Hey... my Lord..."

Tamaki still stood, unwavering, his gaze fixed upon the row of shiny, polished, glinting lockers.

"...Tamaki...?"

Tamaki still stared, unmoving, intently, at the row of shiny, polished, glinting, flashing, dazzling and absolutely fascinating lockers.

"OIII!!!"

Tamaki turned his head away from the row of shiny, polished, glinting, flashing, dazzling and now really evil-looking lockers.

"Why did we come here in the first place?" Hikaru demanded.

"To hack into Haruhi's locker," replied Kyouya, his glasses flashed.

Wait. Kyouya? _Kyouya_? _Ootori Kyouya_??? OMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!1111oneoneoneone!!!!! The world is coming to an end!!! How could Ootori Kyouya be willing to get involved with the random and utmost idiotic-ish plots of Suou Tamaki??? Let alone assist these random and jobless people through it??? ZOMGOMGOMG!!! OMECTB!!! (That means 'Oh My Evil Chocolate Teddy Bear!', incase you were wondering. It is used exclusively and invented by yours truly. :D) How could he?!

Oh, but of course!

Weren't we all waiting expectantly for TEH day when TEH Ootori Kyouya goes insane? Ahhh... but this isn't quite 'insane' yet... but, it's pretty close...

"I'm her mother, after all," Kyouya adjusted his glasses. Ah! There we go. Sufficient answer right there, no? :)

"Goodness, my Lord," Kaoru peeked at Tamaki, "Do you mean to say that you don't know which locker is Haruhi's?"

Tamaki twitched. Oh no. Hitachiin Kaoru got him, right there. Because Kaoru ish awesomish that way! :D

"Uhm..." Tamaki glanced desperately at Kyouya for help.

"Locker number 853, code combination is 19, 30, 4."

Everyone's jaw dropped. Goodness! Ootori Kyouya would make an absolutely awesomish stalker! And hacker, for that matter.

And then again, who would have thought that Haruhi would be able to remember such complicated combinations? 19, 30 and 4 had absolutely no relation (except that they're all numbers) between them to enable anyone to remember them by. Only pure memorizing would do. And Fujioka Haruhi wasn't really one to memorize anything... besides schoolwork maybe... the keyword here being _maybe_. A 50 percent chance?

"Tama-chan... are you sure?" Hani, being the _GOOD LITTLE_ boy he is, asked hesitantly for one last time.

"Why, of course! What is wrong with protecting your daughter from the harsh cruelties of the outside world?"

"...does that have to do with hacking into her locker?"

"...of... course..."

"A mouse could have gotten in," Hikaru piped up.

"Or a cockroach," Kaoru added, after a pause, "Or a cow."

"Exactly!" Tamaki nodded, "So we have to protect her from these awful creatures that have gotten in!"

"...what reputation would Ouran have then?"

"..."

"..."

_Clang!_

The locker opened with a clang! Yayness!

And... Six heads peeped in...

The locker was full of the reek of strong perfume, hair spray, face cream, powder and whatnot. The smell was so strong that smoke literally came out of the locker. The six hackers banged the locker shut and started up coughing fits. No way this is Haruhi's locker!! Have they just made an ENORMOUS discovery??? OMGOMG! Who knew that Haruhi's locker was filled with make up and whatnot??

But!! They soon discovered that their INITIAL thought of this not being Haruhi's locker was absolutely wise.

Because it isn't!

Only if they had noticed, on the door of the shiny, polished, glinting, flashing and dazzling locker was a tag written, 'Fujiwara Haruko'. But sadly, they didn't, not until Mori so kindly decided to splash his bottle of water on the locker in his attempt to put out the 'smoke'.

And so, the tag fell off.

Maybe Kyouya was not to make too good of a hacker after all.

So! Where IS Haruhi's locker?

Ahhh... well, they didn't know!

So they decided to pry open all of the lockers to check!

We'll leave them to that...

...

Oh, did I mention that there were over thousands of lockers in Ouran?

...

I guess not. But, whatever.

* * *

Haruhi twitched as she stared at the heap of people piled on the floor, exhausted, which were the oh so imperious members of the Host Club. Behind them were heaps of opened lockers.

The beautiful setting sun streaked the sky in lovely shades of orange, red and purple. Ahhh!! What a lovely, lovely view!!

"May I ask what are you doing?" Haruhi twitched again.

"...we lost track..." Hikaru muttered, "We were trying to find your locker."

"...oh," Haruhi twitched still, "Did I mention that I don't ever use my locker?"

"..."

"..."

Haruhi didn't feel very comfortable, "... I... guess not..."

**

* * *

**

**Lockerphobia?**

**XDDD**


	16. Chapter 16

**ZOMG.**

**I have been neglecting this since forever. OAO**

**I wonder if an apology is enough...? *smile?***

**50 Things I Am NOT Allowed**** Do At Ouran!**

.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.  
**Number 16:**  
.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.

**I will not ask if laptops are the same as computers during hosting hours.**

* * *

Oho… the title gave everything away. That makes me sad… I was hoping to scare everyone with TEH devilish twins' randomness. Buuu… I suppose you wouldn't be surprised with the following conversation anymore. But don't you just love surprises? (I do, so you do too. :DD) For instance—you wouldn't have expected this useless long rant at the beginning of the story, would you? Aha, I just scared you with MY randomness, didn't I? (Because I just have these awesome psychic skills….) Uh huh, I feel accomplished. :) *shot* Alright. I admit, this _is_ indeed a USELESS long rant. But you get satisfaction out of it, I guarantee. You should try it sometime too. Don't forget to credit me! *stabbed and dies*

"My Loooord~~"

No, Tamaki wasn't in a good mood right now. Not at all. He was quite frustrated, to say the least. Why? Ahh… I shall not tell you! Why shan't I tell you? Ahh… because you'll find out later!

So, Hikaru and Kaoru, the source of all the noise and ruckus, decided to cause even more noise and ruckus. (Ruckus… I like that word. XD *shot*)

"Hey hey, my Lord! My Lord, look~! It's Haruhi in a swimsuit~~"

"Huh?" Haruhi, aside pouring tea, sensed her name being _used_, but decided to shrug it off. Better not get herself into a mess. And she knew it'd be a mess. Yes, she was still sane alright.

"WHAT?" Tamaki's head shot up, but sadly, his head shot up with a bit too much power and it flew straight off and smashed the lovely crystal chandelier, then bounced off the ceiling, leaving ugly scratch marks on them from the broken chandelier, then flew into the windows, cracked them, slid _to_ the floor and slid _across_ the floor, knocking over chairs and a table, causing tea to spill, cake to splatter and chinaware to break; finally, it hit the sofa, bounced up and back on Tamaki's neck. Wow. (Try saying that in one breath. It's fun. :D *kicked*)

Alright, fine, I'll admit that it's impossible. But I couldn't resist the urge to write it. The temptation was just too great. I'm just awesome that way. Ohohoho…

Nevermind, back on topic:

Naturally…. Tamaki did NOT see Haruhi in a swimsuit. How sad.

So… Hani, being the softhearted little boy that he is (not), decided to change the topic. (THANK YOU, HANI-SENPAI, FOR FINALLY GETTING THE STRAYING AUTHORESS BACK ON _THE RIGHT _TOPIC! :'D)

"Hey hey, Tama-chan~ aren't laptops and computers the same thing?"

Mori, on the other hand (the OUTER SANE Mori), instead of supporting Hani's question, just looked at Hani with surprise, then looked crestfallen and shook his head in dismay. Aww… he's probably to shocked at the fact that Hani didn't know the answer to such a question… he decided that he should be worried, and so he _is_ worried right now…

Tamaki's head whipped around to face Hani (but sadly his head whipped around with a bit too much force than usual and proceeded to shoot towards Hani…. Nah, don't worry… I won't get off topic this time! *determined*).

"NO! THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING!"

Yay Tamaki, glad to know that you still have some part of a brain. Pfft.

I feel like I've been neglecting someone for too long… ahem…

Ootori Kyouya, being the awesome person that he is… uhh… just decided (wisely) to do what Haruhi chose to do. Stay out of the mess. Yes, smart. Thank you, Kyouya, for proving that you're still sane too.

Hani, with teary eyes, looked at Tamaki, "B-But why? I always thought they were the same thing!"

Tamaki, being in a frustrated mood, wanted to really concentrate on his dilemma, "Hikaru, answer Hani-senpai."

Baaaaaad choice.

Kaoru took a spoon out of Hikaru's mouth, "He just ate sugar."

"…"

"…"

"…"

Hikaru smiled, "You want to know why laptops are different from computers? Well, they both have screens and keyboards…"

"That's the reason why they're similar, not different," Haruhi commented as she walked past with a tray. No, she was just commenting. Not joining the mess. She's smart.

"Yes yes, I'm just getting to that part!" Hikaru cleared his throat, "Well well, we have to start with the reason why the chocolate teddy bear shall build a chocolate army and attempt the rule the world…"

Kaoru just stared. Nothing new there. Just a sugar-high Hikaru. But wait, Kaoru frowned, something was wrong. Usually when Hikaru was high on sugar, he would start declaring his awesomeness or something… not act all intelligent and talk calmly about chocolate teddy bears…. Hmm… something was definitely wrong…. (Wow, Kaoru, you're weird.)

Kaoru looked at the spoon Hikaru used, "Ah," Kaoru blinked.

Ootori Kyouya, who notices every little detail (because he's just awesome that way) adjusted his glasses, "Interesting discovery, Kaoru."

Kaoru looked at him and nodded, "Indeed," he put the spoon back where it belonged.

Kyouya started writing things in his creepy-looking file, "Who'd have thought Hikaru would get high on salt too?"

"No… but…" Kaoru frowned deeper, maybe he didn't know his twin well enough at all, how the heck did Hikaru eat normal food if he gets salt-high? Ah… yes, my dear Kaoru, there are many things in the world that you don't know yet… hohoho…

And so, back on Hikaru's lecture…

"…say what?" Tamaki blinked.

"I'll repeat this only once, so listen carefully!" Hikaru declared.

Hani nodded with a serious look on his face.

Yes, the OUTER SANE Mori was worried, alright.

**DUE TO UNKNOWN CIRCUMSTANCES, THE FOLLOWING CONVERSATION HAS BEEN CUT. APOLOGIES FOR THE INCOVENIENCE CAUSED.**

Tamaki frowned, he was REALLY frustrated now.

Because Hikaru didn't manage to answer his own question, which was the exact thing Hani had asked. What a lovely coincidence, no?

Well, actually, if frogs are light green and eats chocolate and toads are dark green and eats marshmallows explains why laptops are different from computers, then… Tamaki wouldn't have any complaints anymore. But somehow, something tells him that this wasn't the answer. Hmm… tricky…

He also highly doubts that the reason is pillows will rule the world one day either, nor the fact that after pillows rule the world, it will start raining salt and pepper and there will be a watermelon replacing the sun.

Hmm… maybe Hikaru did solve Tamaki's question after all. Maybe Hikaru only just gave Tamaki a new dilemma: which one of the two above is the real reason that laptops are different from computers?

Uh, Mori? I think you should be more worried about Tamaki than Hani.

* * *

**Annndd.. this chapter sucked. DD: SORRY! DX**

**I wonder if anyone is still actually reading this? OAO**

**...I also wonder if I'll ever update again...**


	17. Chapter 17

**I'm baaaaaack!**

**Yes, I'm still alive! XDD**

**Or maybe it's just my ghost coming back to haunt this story…**

**50 Things I Am NOT Allowed Do At Ouran!**

.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.  
**Number 17:**  
.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.

**I will not attempt to go on FanFiction net during hosting hours ever again.  
**

**WARNING:**** Before you proceed, I must warn you that there will be **_**implications**_** of inappropriate contents within this chapter. Please read at your own risk!**

* * *

So, there was this day, where the world came crashing upon the sun. Aristotle predicted that, did you know? Yeah. Yeah, he did. Go Google it. Google never lies.

So, Hikaru was just Googling the information given above on his pretty laptop, just to make sure that the evil authoress wasn't lying to him. Then. Suddenly.

"ZOMG!111!oneoneoneoneone!"

"Hikaru, please restrain from yelling so loudly," Kyouya's glasses flashed dangerously as he glared up from his mysterious file in which he is always writing… in which all his ultimate secrets are hidden… in which no one else shall ever look because it's Ootori Kyouya's and his alone. Oh, how Kyouya loved his file! He loved it so much he wanted to marry it… but the file never gave him a reply when he finally had the courage to propose to it. So, Ootori Kyouya is currently still waiting for his beloved file to give him a reply to his proposal. And, Ootori Kyouya is currently still sane. Believe me, he is.

"ZOMG! WTF! BBQ!"

"What's wrong, Hikaru?" Haruhi asked nonchalantly, still pouring tea as if the entire world was at peace; she was smart, she wasn't going to worry about Hikaru's sanity because she knew it was useless.

"ZOMG! ZOMBIE! ZOMB! COMB! TOMB! (No, they do not rhyme) TOM! TOMMY! Who the hell is that? MOMMY! MUMMY! CORPSE! COFFIN! COFFEE! TEA! ME! YAY! I love me!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

Yes, it was just another day at Ouran.

Kyouya twitched, how dare Hitachiin Hikaru defy his orders! He clutched his beloved file tightly, oh, his beloved file!

As Kyouya was distracted by his beloved file, Kaoru decided to verify his twin's sanity. He sincerely believed that the both of them were completely sane. How naïve our lovely Kaoru is!

"ZOMG!11!1111!oneoneoneone111!"

"Here comes a second one…" Hani murmured as he hugged his beloved bunny plushie. Oh, how he loved his bunny plushie! Does he wish to marry it? NO! Haninozuka Mitsukuni knew that that was futile. So he never proposed to his bunny plushie (unlike our dear Kyouya). It was also because he loved something else as well, so he has secretly decided that he will NOT marry his bunny plushie. One will probably expect that Hani would have liked to marry Mori. Aha! You wish. But no! That was, sadly, not the case. Notice that it was someTHING else that Hani loved… not someONE. Of course, despite Mori's, uh, _unstable_ state, we will still graciously consider him a person, and not a thing.

Alright, here's the ugly truth: Haninozuka Mitsukuni was in love with his beloved duck.

"APPARENTLY BIN LADEN IS DEAD!" Kaoru exclaimed.

"WHAT!" everyone shrieked.

"YES! IT IS TRUE!" Hikaru declared, his eyes very emotional, "OH! HOW CAN THIS BE!"

"NO WAYYY!" everyone gasped.

Kaoru shook his head, "This is the truth!"

Hikaru gestured to the skies, "This, is, the TRUTH!"

"WHO THE HELL IS BIN LADEN?" everyone roared. RAWR!

"..."

"..."

Our Ouran is fairly educated. Fairly.

"How the hell can you not know who he is?" Kaoru shrieked.

"Dudes, where is your patriotism?" Hikaru demanded, "Imagine our founding fathers' reaction if they saw you..."

Haruhi put down her tray and began serving some guests, yes, there are still guests, and they must be very courageous to still be able to stay there. After she was done, she calmly turned around and faced the twins, "We're Japanese."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Dude, it's not like the authoress is American or something, and _she_ knows who Bin Laden is!"

"Does she, really?" Haruhi questioned.

"...she does. She... does."

I do know who he is, trust me, I really do. I'm not that deprived of worldly affairs. And my IQ is not THAT low. Ahem. Of course, not saying that the Japanese are in any way deprived of worldly affairs either, but well, this is FICTION. And CRACK. Therefore, it is self-explanatory.

"Where the hell did you see that news?"

"FanFiction net," was the reply.

Kyouya (finished with his obsession over his beloved file,) adjusted his glasses, looking very, very wise, but we all know the truth behind that—ahem, ostensible, ahem—wisdom… "As far as I know, FanFiction net, like the name suggests, is a site for fans to write stories about their favorite fandoms, and not somewhere you can read the news, such as the death of Bin Laden."

Well, at least our Kyouya is well informed.

"Dude, WTF? That's so outdated. Today you can do ANYTHING with technology."

"ZOMG! And apparently my Lord is in love with Kyouya-senpai!" Hikaru gasped.

"Say WHAT?" Tamaki sprung up from his neglected-since-the-beginning-of-the-chapter-gloomy-and-evil-corner-of-woe.

"No wayyy… my Lord did THAT?" Kaoru gasped, scrolling down the webpage.

(Yes, here comes the 'inappropriate' content that you've all been waiting for. And I know you were anticipating it eagerly.)

Hikaru looked over Kaoru's shoulder at the laptop screen, "Kyouya-senpai is on the _bottom_? Really? I always thought he'd top..."

"What~? What are you talking about~?" Hani tried to poke his head over the twins' shoulders to see the screen.

Despite Hani's older age, due to his innocence and pure appearance, everyone instinctively assumed that this content was inappropriate for him. Pfft. As if it isn't inappropriate for them as well.

"I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS!" Tamaki roared. RAWR! How can he let these devilish twins pry into his private life with Kyouya? Well, his 'hypothetical' life with Kyouya, anyway. Yes, sad as it may be, 'tis true. But we will not go into depth in our exploration of Tamaki's inner thoughts… which are probably also hypothetical in this case, anyway.

"OMG! There's a story about you and me as well, Hikaru!" Kaoru gasped, completely ignoring Tamaki's out roar. RAWR!

"Hey~ what is it~?" Hani whined, still trying to pry through the twins to glimpse at the laptop, "Tell me what you're looking at~"

Now, Mori, you wouldn't want your dear Mitsukuni to be scarred for his life, do you? Yes! It's time for Morinozuka Takeshi's heroic appearance! Dun, dun, dundun! Mori to the rescue!

"Mitsukuni," Mori held up an empty cage, "Your duck has fled."

"WHAAAAAT?" Hani was crestfallen, "NOOO! We must find it NOW!"

And so, Hero Mori successfully led his revolution! Now, he has finally created a Republic! No, wait, that didn't make sense. Remind me about what I was talking about before I got carried away by historical events? Oh yeah, the duck. What about the duck again? …anyway, let's get back to the twins...

"Hika... ru..." Kaoru gaped at the screen, unable to believe his eyes. Well, we all know what he saw, don't we? Don't worry if you don't: you're actually better off than the rest of us, anyway.

For the sake of keeping the current rating of this fic, the paragraph describing the contents of the Hitachiins' laptop will be removed. If you really really REALLY want to know about the contents, it shall be shown in the epilogue of this fic. You'll have to wait a LONG time to finally read it. Hopefully, you'll forget about this by the time the epilogue comes up. If there's going to be an epilogue at all.

Hikaru couldn't believe it. His inner thoughts were displayed right before his eyes! And to the entire public! He couldn't imagine who would have known about this, and to describe it in such detail!

Okay, of course that wasn't true. Hikaru had no thoughts of the sort. (Or did he really not?) But well, now the Host Club or half of it at least, was forever scarred by this monster called FanFiction net. Oh, the horror! How will they ever face each other again? FanFiction had singe-handedly wreaked havoc in the Ouran Host Club this lovely day…

Hani was in hysterics about his missing duck, which Mori had sinfully let free to distract the (seemingly) innocent Hani from the devilish twins' laptop screen… Mori now is wholly regretful of the sin he had committed and is out to seek a priest to whom he could confess and seek forgiveness.

Hikaru and Kaoru are... well... pondering over their relationship... _seriously_. Let's hope... they get to some conclusion soon.

Meanwhile, Tamaki had returned to his forgotten corner of woe, forever to be ignored. No, that's not fair. But Suou Tamaki was going through some serious psychological, uh, workings right now. Something involving a certain Ootori Kyouya and something about tops and bottoms… and ahem, we shall not go into that…

And Ootori Kyouya? Ahh, he is currently heartbroken. Heartbroken by his lovely file which he wished to marry. His beloved file had obviously heard Hikaru and Kaoru's declaration of Tamaki and Kyouya's (forged) relationship through the evil FanFiction net. And abashed, the file decided to prolong, and probably suspend, its reply to Kyouya's proposal… so Ootori Kyouya was very bitter about this loss.

Now, let's get back to the only person still with some part of sanity in the Host Club, Fujioka Haruhi.

Our pure, innocent girl in the Host Club currently stole over to the twins' laptop, intending to read what they had read. Ah, she shall be shocked. Perhaps more than shocked.

Fujioka Haruhi shall never be the same from today onwards.

* * *

**Muhaha~ it's about time that insanity had OFFICIALLY taken over TEH Host Club! XD**


End file.
